


Nightcourt Was A Lie

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, butter-related incidents, implied fledgling kismesis, occasional hooker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-28
Updated: 2012-12-28
Packaged: 2017-11-22 17:23:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/612327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose Lalonde is, to you and anyone who schemes as frequently as you do, a terrible hindrance. That’s to be expected of anyone red with Kanaya.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nightcourt Was A Lie

**Author's Note:**

  * For [persiflet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/persiflet/gifts).



Rose Lalonde is, to you and anyone who schemes as frequently as you do, a terrible hindrance. That’s to be expected of anyone red with Kanaya.

You spotted them just after the movie promos had ended. They’re at the end of the middle row, cooing over eachother like depraved lovebirds. You weave your way throgh the seats, trying to stay out of their sights. You sit yourself behind them, the screen visible through the space in kanaya’s horns. Rose notices you first.

“Hello, Vriska. What havoc have you come to wreak, tonight?” 

You grimace at her smugness. “G8d Lalonde! I saw the both of you and just wanted to say hello. It’s not like I’m going to ruin your d8!!!!!!!!”

Kanaya sighs, “You Already Have.” Rose chuckles and softly pats kanaya on the back. Kanaya turns her head back, allowing you to see the screen again. The curtains at the edges of the screen are pulled back, revealing the rest of it. Quietly, you scoot over to the next seat and open your camera. Slowly, the theater screen pans to the title,  
 _ **VAMPIRATES:THE MUSICAL**_

You crane your neck, trying to avoid getting Kanaya’s horns in the shot. You fail miserably, as Kanaya fidgets constantly. You nearly cry out in frustration. That would be fucking moronic, however, as you are a illegally videotaping in a theater ,where both noise and gross violation of copyright law is normally frowned upon. Her horns swing dangerously close as you clamber down to her row. You nudge her roughly in the lower calve. She lets out a stifled giggle, cradling her abdomen in embarrassment. Rose smirks at you, clicking her tongue at you and shaking her head. You scrunch your face together at this. _She’d been tickling her._ She obviously isn't here to put up with your bullshit, and you aren't here to put up with her's. You do the most mature thing. You chuck popcorn at her head. Rose brushes the kernels out of her hair in disgust at your shitty attempts at goading her. Kanaya purses her lips at you, but doesn't say anything. You sneer at them and return to your criminal activity of the moment.

They don’t bother you for a while, hell, the copy’s even pretty good for a camera. Every once in a while, some asshole gets up to go to the can and gets in the way of your shot, but the room’s pretty much deserted so it’s not a big deal. People always get up at the good parts, which is a bit grating. You suppose it makes sense that that’s when Rose gets up from her seat. She signs to the kanaya that she’ll be back in a moment, and you watch her as she saunters down the stairs. She stops part of the way down and leans over to talk to somebody. Slowly, the usher gets up and walks up to you and Kanaya. You try to bolt but you just end up losing the camera from your high-fat buttery grasp. Kanaya tries to grab it, but knocks it over the edge, stuck behind the seats of the next row. You climb over your seat again and run for the other stairway. The usher tries to catch you but slips on the floor, due to it being heavily lubed with butter and the tears of janitors. You turn around and race down the steps towards Rose. If you’re going down, then she is, too.

You catch her in the stomach, knocking her down several stairs. You don’t how, but you manage to wrap your hands around her throat. She struggles, though, and throws you into the wall. You find yourself hunched over on your elbows , trying to catch your breath. She kicks you in the ribs and leaves the spot burning and scraped from the underside of her shoe. You groan and try to scratch her, but she wraps her arm around your neck and pulls your arm to a odd angle. You curse in pain, attempting to shake yourself free. Instead, you turn on your heels and scratch her in the chest. She lets out a sharp little cry and falls backwards. Now you’re atop her again, this time digging your nails into her shoulder. The air burns your throat and everything, you mean everything, smells like a middle school gymnasium just after the goddamned Presidential Fitness Test. Rose moans a little and tries to move, but you've got one arm and a knee keeping her down. You aren’t really thinking much when the security guard pulls you off her. She probably isn’t thinking much when kanaya helps her stand, either. But all of you are regretting it when you’re in the backseat of a police cruiser.

***  
Police stations aren't like the ones they have on television, with the funny hookers and caffeinated wise-cracking chiefs with a Vaguely Irish brogue. The hookers aren’t as funny and the chief’s an over-worked mother of three currently going through a messy divorce. Kanaya fusses over Rose, dabbing at the scratches which, as far as Alternian standards go, aren’t that deep.

The person booking you marks the both of you up for minor assault. All in all, you were kind of expecting they’d charge you with battery and violation of copyright law. They could’ve even got you with intent to distribute illegally. But they don’t, and you end up sitting next to Rose Lalonde for thirty minutes while waiting for them to look through your files. At least your file isn’t as big as it would be if they always caught you. You don’t hear them make any comments about the camcorder. You look over to kanaya. She frowns a little and partly pulls the camera out of her cleavage. She Must’ve grabbed it in the confusion.

That magical little vampiress is a true friend to all.

They let Lalonde off with a small fine, mostly because you were the one who instigated the fight. You have to wait a month to be processed, again, your fault.

“ You've been caught before?”, She doesn't seem that surprised by your already existent record.

“For 8asic shit like resisting arr8st and selling liquor to minors.” You say. “Nothing 8ig.”  
Kanaya squints at you, “Didnt You Sell Them Coffin Varnish?”

“ Ok yeah, so a couple of kids went blind. This 8n’t an god damn interrog8tion!!!!!!!”

Kanaya sighs and hands you back the camera, which is very warm due to the insulating nature of her tits.

Rose snorts, “ Terezi will love this.” You punch her in the arm. She pretends to scream for the police and laughs. Kanaya, despite the fact that you were just charged for assaulting a moviegoer, points out that you should all get something to eat, seeing as how the buses don’t run until nine.

You recommend the liquor store down the street.

**Author's Note:**

> request for silver_sandals! Thanks to Wish for helping me with this! It should be known that Vampirates, while certainly not a movie of any sort, is an actual thing.


End file.
